Ramblings about adoption

Tags

adopted from El Salvador, adult adoptee, El Salvador

Lately I’ve been thinking about how being adopted shapes one’s experiences as an adult. It’s only recently that I realized there is a connection between my adoption and my willingness to live abroad. It’s not simply that I am “one of those people” who loves to travel, but in retrospect, perhaps because I was born in another country I was always subconsciously thinking about far away places. As a child, I remember being utterly mesmerized by the “It’s a Small World” attraction at Disney World – maybe I planned back then to travel the world. Now, I am 34 years old and have lived in three countries, managed to learn a few languages, traveled to many lands, and met people from all over the world. In fact, still want to visit so many more places: Cambodia, Mexico (again) and Taiwan are my top three. I honestly don’t miss my life in the U.S. very much, except for my dear family and close friends. In fact, I do not anticipate living again in the US at length for a long time.

Here are a few more ramblings about my adoption story. I haven’t actually done much about finding my birth mother. Of course, I would like to know the answer to one of the most important questions of my life: “Why did my birth mother abandon me?” However, digging in the past could be like opening Pandora’s Box (kind of scary). I totally understand why many adoptees never try to find their birth mothers. Sometimes it feels better not to know the truth. I would really like to know if I have siblings, what kind of life I might have had in El Salvador, and most of all, what my birth mother looks like. Does she ever think of me fondly every May 2nd or does she suppress the pain?

One last thing: I’ve been wondering if any adopted kids have tried to go back to their birth country and build a life there? For instance, if I were to try to go back to El Salvador and start my life there, what would that be like? I imagine it would be easier than adoptees from Asian countries where the group mentality, the insider-outsider dynamic, is so very strong. On top of that, practically speaking, learning an Asian language is so much harder than learning Spanish, which is relatively easy.

If you’re interested, here are a few cool articles about adoptees from Asia:
1) American’s Korean Adoptees: Return to the Motherland
2) Adopted Asians Returning Home to Adopt Their Own

Two books by authors from Korea and Taiwan who were adopted by Americans:

1) Fugitive Visions: An Adoptee’s Return to Korea by Jane Jeong Trenka
2) Lucky Girl by Meiling Hopgood

What I am reading on my Kindle

For the first time in a while, I have a lot of time on my hands so I decided to prioritize reading good books. Here is a short list of some of the books I recently read or am currently reading. The book descriptions are copied from amazon.com

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas

”In this weighty, riveting analysis of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Metaxas offers a comprehensive review of one of history’s darkest eras, along with a fascinating exploration of the familial, cultural, and religious influences that formed one of the world’s greatest contemporary theologians. A passionate narrative voice combines with meticulous research. . . Abundant source documentation brings to life the personalities and experiences that shaped Bonhoeffer. Insightful and illuminating, this tome makes a powerful contribution to biography, history, and theology.” –Publishers Weekly

Shutting out the Sun: How Japan Created its Own Lost Generation by Michael Zielenziger

(Booklist review) “At the end of the 1980s, Japan’s future seemed bright. A leader in the technological arena, Japan seemed poised to become the world’s next superpower. Twenty years later, that promise has faded, and the once-influential nation is in crisis. Journalist Zielenziger, who has lived in Japan for 10 years, set out to discover why. Much of the focus of this engrossing, comprehensive work is on the clash between older and younger generations and on how the former’s inability to let go of tradition is stifling the latter. Japan’s rigid education and work systems have created a class of young people known as hikikomori, who literally shut themselves up in their rooms. Through interviews with several of these young men, Zielenziger reveals how the pressures on Japanese youths cause some to give up and retreat from society. Young women, too, are rejecting traditional roles and choosing careers with foreign companies over marriage and children. A piercing, astute look at how a society’s refusal to embrace change is detrimental to its younger generation.”

Japan at War: An Oral History by Haruko Taya Cook & Theodore F. Cook

(Yomiuri Shimbun) “In a sweeping panorama, Haruko Taya Cook and Theodore F. Cook take us from the Japanese attacks on China in the 1930s to the Japanese home front during the inhuman raids on Tokyo, Hiroshima, and Nagasaki, offering the first glimpses of how the twentieth century’s most deadly conflict affected the lives of the Japanese population. The book ‘seeks out the true feelings of the wartime generation [and] illuminates the contradictions between the official views of the war and living testimony.’”

Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story by Ben Carson MD and Cecil Murphey

(from Amazon.com) “In 1987, Dr. Benjamin Carson gained worldwide recognition for his part in the first successful separation of Siamese twins joined at the back of the head. Carson pioneered again in a rare procedure known as a hemispherectomy…Such breakthroughs aren’t unusual for Ben Carson. He’s been beating the odds since he was a child. Raised in inner-city Detroit by a mother with a third grade education, Ben lacked motivation… But Sonya Carson convinced her son he could make something of his life, even though everything around him said otherwise. Trust in God, a relentless belief in his own capabilities, and sheer determination catapulted Ben from failing grades to the directorship of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. Gifted Hands takes you into the operating room to witness surgeries that made headlines around the world—and into the private mind of a compassionate, God-fearing physician who lives to help others.”

Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

(From Amazon.com) “In the summer of 1942, the French police arrested thousands of Jewish families and held them outside of Paris before shipping them off to Auschwitz. On the 60th anniversary of the roundups, an expatriate American journalist covering the atrocities discovers a personal connection—her apartment was formerly occupied by one such family. She resolves to find out what happened to Sarah, the 10-year-old daughter, who was the only family member to survive.”

I saw the movie before I read the book. I don’t want to spoil anything so I will simply say that while I thought the movie was excellent, the book answered questions that the movie didn’t address and the movie definitely changed a number of details and several dialogues.  I was glad to have a fuller picture of certain events left out of the movie. Here is a preview of the movie:

Jesus Calling: Seeking Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young

(from Amazon) “Jesus Calling is a devotional filled with uniquely inspired treasures from heaven for every day of the year.  After many years of writing in her prayer journal, missionary Sarah Young decided to listen to God with pen in hand, writing down whatever she believed He was saying to her.  It was awkward at first, but gradually her journaling changed from monologue to dialogue.  She knew her writings were not inspired as Scripture is, but journaling helped her grow closer to God.  Others were blessed as she shared her writings, until people all over the world were using her messages.  They are written from Jesus’ point of view, thus the title Jesus Calling.  It is Sarah’s fervent prayer that our Savior may bless readers with His presence and His peace in ever deeper measure. “

A personal note: Over 460+ five-star reviews on amazon.com? I find that pretty impressive (not that we judge a book merely by its reviews, of course). I have used this as a morning devotional for several months and I love it. I highly recommend it and love how God uses it to call me back to Jesus every morning.

What I’ve been reading on my Kindle

Here are some excellent books that I have greatly enjoyed reading during the past few weeks:

1) Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader’s Eye-Opening Journey Across the Line of Life by Abby Johnson
2) From Grandmother to Granddaughter: Salvadoran Women’s Stories by Michael Gorkin
3) From a Name to a Number: A Holocaust Survivor’s Autobiography by Alter Wiener
4) The Liberators: America’s Witness to the Holocaust by Michael Hirsch

(Click on the titles to go straight to amazon.com)

I think that you can figure out what each of the books is about, and here is a brief summary of my thoughts about each book:

1) Unplanned is an absolute must-read for anyone who considers him/herself to be pro-life.  Abby’s story gives tremendous insight into the compassion and love among the pro-choice women she worked with for many years before she left her position as a director of a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in 2009 and became pro-life. Her story is highly compelling – I couldn’t put this book down and finished it in one day.

2) From Grandmother to Granddaughter tells the story of three generations of Salvadoran women from the upper, middle and lower classes (nine stories in all). I had never read anything about the upper class society of El Salvador and was amazed at the lavish, extravagant lifestyle that they led in the midst of the extreme poverty of their countrymen. I especially appreciated hearing each of their varying perspectives on the civil war and its causes.

3) From a Name to a Number will make you weep at least once, I won’t lie. It is beautifully written with such detailed descriptions of the author’s beloved family members who perished in the Holocaust.  Learning about the immense difficulties of  rebuilding one’s life after liberation from the concentration camp was also extremely interesting and moving.

4) The Liberators is a unique collection of stories and interviews with the men and women, doctors and nurses who helped to liberate concentration camps across Europe. Almost all of them said the same things over and over: 1) they were told nothing about the concentration camps 2) the smell of the camps was horrendous beyond description 3) almost all the local German villagers told them, “We didn’t know!” Many of these liberators were scarred for life by what they witnessed and haunted by nightmares for decades.

Having time to read again has been a pure joy. It’s such fun to snuggle in bed with my Kindle and read the night away, although with the weighty books about the Holocaust it was hard to go to sleep.

I am finding that my Kindle is so much better for me than a regular book, although we know some folks who are pretty horrified at the idea of reading anything but a “real” book! I love my Kindle!

I got a Kindle!

Matthias and I have had a busy week, and I don’t have more than a few minutes for a post. Why has it been a busy week? I’ve been busy with training and keeping up my private German lessons and studies at home; we’ve also been spending time at the cafe that I mentioned in my previous post. I am not volunteering there to improve my German, but being at the cafe gives me the much-needed opportunity to speak German and to listen to German for several hours on end. Most of the ladies are not German, so it puts me at ease to speak German with other foreigners, since they know how hard it can be to learn the language. Last night there was a wonderful Christmas party for the ladies complete with food, drinks, desserts, and live music. I hope and pray the women who came were blessed and enjoyed themselves. I enjoyed chatting with a friendly woman who spent 15 years in Georgia and spoke English (which is rare at the cafe). It was so funny to meet a German woman with a perfectly charming Southern belle accent!

Last of all, I have to make my pitch for the Amazon Kindle on my blog. Matthias got one a few months ago and has monopolized it for a while, but this week it’s been my turn. I totally love our Kindle. I have downloaded about 20 sample books and been reading each sample on the train rides back and forth to work. I’ve already downloaded book samples about everyday life in North Korea, classical education, Abraham Lincoln, life during the civil rights movement, Japan and WWII, etc. Of course I want to buy every book, but I must refrain. A man started talking to me on the train the other day, asking me what I was holding in my hands? “Is that, by any chance, an electronic book?” He was incredibly fascinated and I enjoyed telling him all about my Kindle and when he held it, he was amazed at how lightweight it was.

What do I like best? Where do I begin? I have found that the Kindle is less of a strain on my eyes than a real book: I can read for an hour or two on end without any eye strain which is not the case with regular books. I love that you can adjust the font type and its size and how easy it is to use, even for someone like me (a person with very basic computer skills). Best of all, since we are planning on going back to Japan eventually, we will not have to lug tons of books across the globe anymore! We will save tons of money on shipping and not have to choose which books to take and which ones to leave behind – we can take all of our Kindle books! I am so excited to see how the Kindle will evolve – I am sure we’ll be reading books to our future kids on our Kindle.

Book & movie recommendations

My first day of language school went wonderfully. I was amazed to see how international my class is – there are 12-13 students in my class from Chile, Canada, Japan, Bulgaria, Iran, Turkey, the US, and even a few other nations. Our teacher looks like a mad professor and loves to crack corny jokes which makes the class really fun. The class is all in German with a few words in English thrown in for fun, and I am glad I am able to keep up and understand almost everything although I am new to the class. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that the lady sitting next to me is Japanese and we are the same age. Hopefully we can have a language exchange so that I don’t forget my Japanese.  Our classes are three hours long, but the first class flew by so quickly I couldn’t believe it! I was able to learn quite a bit, so I am hopeful that after 6-8 months of intensive classes topped with private lessons that I’ll be able to hold a decent conversation in German by this time next year. Thankfully, despite the difficulties I have with pronouncing German, I am enjoying learning this language very much. I also find time to keep up my Japanese studies, although I have no idea if or when we will go back to Japan. I also try to study Spanish here and there, and I had a chance to use my rusty Spanish with my Chilean classmate. Matthias is searching for a job; he has his first job interview on Tuesday so I will have the rare opportunity to see my husband in a suit. We desperately hope he finds employment soon – please pray for us!

Other than that, it is quite rainy here and I don’t like to go out that much. I am keeping busy with language studies, cooking and cleaning, and reading lots of books. I am currently in the middle of six books, and my favorite one is called “Japan at War: An Oral History.” I cannot put this one down: it’s a book about everyday people’s experiences during the war. I am utterly fascinated with every account in this book and find myself reading big chunks of it aloud to Matthias.

Book description: This groundbreaking work of oral history captures for the first time ever the remarkable story of ordinary Japanese people during World War II. In a sweeping panorama, Haruko Taya and Theodore Cook take us from the Japanese attacks on China in the 1930s to the Japanese homefront during the inhuman raids on Tokyo, Hiroshima, and Nagasaki, offering the first glimpses of how this century’s most violent conflict affected the lives of the Japanese population. Japan At War is a monumental work of history–one to which Americans and Japanese will turn for decades to come.

http://www.amazon.com/Japan-at-War-Oral-History/dp/1565840399

Since I am recommending things, I also recommend a movie called “Innocent Voices (Voces Inocentes),” a Mexican movie about the civil war in El Salvador from a child’s point of view. I will confess that I really ought to know a lot about the civil war in El Salvador. I’ve been to El Salvador twice, read books, own a ton of books on the topic…but this movie helped me to sort out the details of this complicated subject. I have tried over and over in vain to read books on the civil war, but somehow I always manage to get sidetracked (so easily) and never really finish what I read. This was helpful to put in context the bits of pieces of what I have read on the subject and now I feel ready to tackle the 6-7 books on El Salvadoran history that I have left unfinished.

Movie summary: A young boy, in an effort to have a normal childhood in 1980′s El Salvador, is caught up in a dramatic fight for his life as he desperately tries to avoid the war which is raging all around him.

The boy in the move is one of the most beautiful kids I’ve ever seen in my life, but I think I am a bit impartial to cute Salvadoran kids. It is shocking to how see in the film (and in real life) boys as young as ten were being recruited by both the national army and the guerillas. “Innocent Voices” tells his story of escape from the army as well as the experience of war from a child’s perspective – great movie!

I am dying to see “Maria’s Story: A Documentary Portrait Of Love And Survival In El Salvador’s Civil War” (2010) but I can’t find it yet on Netflix. Bummer!